Appreciate an experience, put a bow on it and some sprinkles and bask in it forever

On Sunday 14th April 2024, I ran the Manchester Marathon. It was not what I expected and in fact it was HELL!

I typed the start into my maps on my phone and began the walk, it was odd that I saw NO runners! Where are they all I thought – weird. Spotting a volunteer I ask ‘how do I get to the start?’ oh just down there he says. Just down there? That can’t be right as I wander aimlessly toward a water station! Ask a volunteer at the water station, oh yeah just follow the road down she says? But that’s the actual course I reply, yeah she says but the start is just down there. That cannot be right! Who walks along the road of the course to get to the start when others have already started!

I double back and see some runners who are also yet to start wandering around. They have a different colour bib to me but say that they are getting onto the tram to get to the start which is two stops away. Right oh. I follow them up onto the tram platform! IT IS RAMMED! My anxiety begins to rise! I’m going to miss my start pen and I HATE BEING LATE! This is a bloody shambles! Who organised this shit show and why the hell am I even doing this?

The two lads I’d originally seen, get onto a tram that is just about empty, I think that can’t be right and so I don’t follow them on. Then I see him, a guy with the same colour bib on as me, I walk over to him, are you trying to get to the start I ask? Yeah he replies, it’s a bit of a shit show isn’t it, how do we know where to go. Great I think. Both of us in the same position! Can we stick together I ask.

Sure he says and as the next tram pulls in we both squish on, he says to me, I’m not going to be able to get on this one! Oh you are I reply! No way you are leaving me I dunno where I’m going! He squishes on after some pushing and shoving on my part! No way am I leaving this guy behind! We are in it together now and that is just what I need. A wing man! My anxiety decreases as the doors shut and we are off.

We get off the tram, and yet more wandering around ensues! Where’s the start we ask another volunteer, oh just up that way. This is all really odd! Not a single sign to say runners this way? There are spectators wandering around everywhere. Strangest organisation we say to each other, have you ever gone to a race where you’ve not known where the start is?

Nope me either!

After asking another volunteer where the start was, he directs us back the way we came and we still have no idea where we are going. The lack of signs, or rather the signs saying EXIT this way, kinda implies we are going the wrong way! A quick stop into the disgusting portaloo’s (we won’t talk about them – minging is not even the word – like what do people do in a portaloo!? I don’t think they’d do that in their own loo – anyway I digress).

Finally arrive at the start line which then feels like a million mile walk before we get going. 3 miles in and I’m done. Sod this I think, I don’t even bloody like running never mind another 23.2!!!! god damn miles. My new friend keeps me going until mile 10 then as I get to a water station I lose him and he’s gone into the distance. I discovered the following day he finished in 4 hours 15 minutes! Awesome! (I was like a stalker in the photos to find his number and track him down).

It was the single most disgusting thing I have ever done. It was brutal, painful and frankly not something I’d ever want to repeat. I hated every single minute of it. Why then did I sign up? Why didn’t I just quit?

Well here's the thing...

I was carrying an injury but amazingly I had no pain at all during the run. I fuelled really well and didn’t hit the dreaded wall! I should’ve felt good, I should’ve been flying! But my mind wasn’t in it. I didn’t have the passion. My body was saying yes go for it, my mind was saying sod this!

Last year I completed the London Marathon and omg! I loved it, I didn’t want it to end, I didn’t want to cross that finish line and for it to be over. I’d have done it again in a heartbeat!! I still would. But I had a different motivation, it felt so completely different. Manchester, ultimately, was NOT LONDON. London had been on my bucket list for so many years, I never thought I’d get to do it, I never thought I could run 26.2 miles, but I did and I loved it, and I think on that day, I ticked it off my list. Maybe I should’ve just stuck to that, wrapped it up, put it in the box and savoured it. But I didn’t, I wanted the feeling again, it wasn’t to be. Maybe it never will be again, and you know what, that’s ok! It wasn’t London, and that’s ok because I will never forget that day, or the experience of running down that mall, tears streaming down my face – they’re coming again now just thinking about it- it was amazing, powerful, awesome! Me! I ran the LONDON MARATHON! ME!!!! Wow! I’ll never forget it, ever.

So my lesson from today was, sometimes you just gotta take the experience as a one off! Something to enjoy and savour and be grateful for.

Hold on to that one day, one minute, one second, put a bow on it and some sprinkles and bask in it forever! Who needs to do more than one marathon right?

Charlotte Cook is a Doctoral trainee specialising in psychodynamic thinking, helping parents and carers to understand and support children and teens in their care with their emotional and mental health. Charlotte lives in South Wales with her teenage daughter and is currently the first Doctoral trainee of child and adolescent psychotherapy within South Wales. With 25 years working with families, Charlotte is passionate about parents and carers being seen as the professionals to help their children and young people receive the support they need to live a fulfilled life.

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